I Cried For You
by Alexandria Tribale
Summary: This is the time between Amell and Anders in the Circle before the Blight.  MaleAmellxAnders pairing.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Dragon Age Franchise, sadly that is owned by EA and Bioware.

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><p><strong>Daylen Amell's POV<strong>

The tower was becoming unbearably lonely in the passing months. Since first coming it was the only thing that you've ever known, but all the faces seem the same; blurring together. Days come and go without much notice of exactly how much time has passed. That is until _he_ comes to the tower. At first he is just another face, like any other, but something begins to shift within you the more you see him. And slowly but surely you find yourself seeking him out, wanting to be beside him. You've slowly become the closest of friends, despite Jowan's complaint and warning.

His first escape attempt disturbs and worries you. Despite your closeness the other still yearns to be free from this wretched prison. You can't help but to admire his confidence and courage in making an attempt. It is something you cannot do out of free of punishment. These fears are now directed for him as the days go by without word as to whether they've found him or not. A full week goes by and you see him, quietly eating with the other apprentices in the dining hall.

Your heart flutters seeing him and you can't explain why.

He sees you and the most wonderful smile appears on his own lips, beckoning you to come closer to him. You find yourself unable to refuse him as you draw closer with your own tray of food in tow, sitting next to him with your own smile gracing your lips. Despite your earlier irritation for his leaving, you can't stay angry at the blonde boy next to you. You find yourself content that he is safe and that is satisfying enough.

"Missed me?" He asks you in that voice that makes you inwardly shudder without reason. Your grin widens and turns into a slight smirk at his question. "You were gone?" You find yourself asking with mock innocence in your voice. His amber eyes seem to glow more vibrantly in response, followed by a chuckle that's almost musical to your ears. A soft heat forms on your cheeks as you chortle alongside him, feeling complacent in that moment.

Weeks have gone by since then and you and he are now within the library. He is surprisingly actually studying for once. You can't help but tease him for this, causing a look of mimicked hurt to appear before another brilliant smile appears on his lips. And you can't help but be pleased because you were the reason too cause such a grin on his face. A smidge of pride swelling in your chest to know you're the one who can make him smile like that. Though, it's quickly crushed with a lingering gaze from a fellow female apprentice who waves lightly, catching your friend's full attention.

Your heart throbs seeing the look on his face. _Why?_

He suddenly looks back towards you and a slight look of confusion comes over his face. There is a feel of heat on your own face at the look he gives you and you wonder why until you notice that you were staring, again. Confusion turns into concern on his features. "Are you all right?" He questions and your breath hitches in your throat in response. There's a knot there as if tears were threatening to fall. But why? You try and swallow this lump in your throat and put on your best playful grin. "Popular are we?" You mockingly tease and he seems to relax some with a returning smile and flush forming on his own cheeks. Despite your own smile you still feel as if your about to cry and excuse yourself after a moment to return to the apprentice quarters.

You return to the quarters and sprawl over to your bed with a long winded sigh escaping passed your lips, a sob threatening to form. You're confused by this and not sure why you feel suddenly so sad. It isn't because you were jealous was it? Your thoughts return back to the female apprentice and in the pit of your stomach you feel sick. It's not her you are jealous over but of _him_. You can't help but curse your existence to have formed emotions, attachment, to this wonderful friend. You swear that you'll never allow him to know.

That's when Jowan comes in and you turn on your side, pretending to be asleep so not to explain your surely red and puffy eyes.

Weeks have turned into months and Anders has made yet another attempt of escape. This time he used the outdoor exercise time to his advantage and dove into the lake, swimming towards shore. Honestly you can't help but think of how clever the man is as he had also tampered with the boats and hindered the templars from quickly following him.

Yet you selfishly hope he'll come back.

Because of his antics everyone has lost their outdoor exercise privilege. It irritates you and many of the others, but you can't help but get a chuckle from the act whenever you think of it. While he is gone your mind is constantly thinking of him, wondering of where he is and what he is doing. You're slightly ashamed of how obsessive you've become of the blonde mage, even Jowan has taken notice of how fondly you speak of him.

"Do you love Anders?"

The question was sudden and catches you off guard. You stare at Jowan as if he has sprouted another head and heat rushes to your face. Love? That was a bit of a strong emotion. "I suppose… he's a good friend." You reply, brushing the question off as if you hadn't understood its meaning. This makes Jowan frustrated as a frown forms on his lips and you cringe. "That's not what I meant." He says, pressing the subject. Your heart flutters as you think about the issue and it suddenly aches, realizing your missing him far too much than you should.

"I… I don't know." You honestly answer and this seems to satisfy your friend for now. He seems to understand and doesn't judge you, which is surprising. When he leaves you are left sitting upon your bed, wondering about your own emotions and how you can't yet describe them. Was it love or just attachment?

A full three weeks pass without word from the templars about the apostate Anders. He constantly plagues your mind, wondering of his safety. You know he is clever and reliable with his healing magic, but you can't help but ache and worry. As the days go by, you become more reclusive and distant with the other residents. This begins to draw worry and concern for you from Jowan and a few of the Senior Enchanters who've noticed a lack in your magic. Your usual intense fireballs have lost their luster and power.

How long will he be gone this time?

Another week goes by and word spreads through the tower that the templars have caught their apostate Anders. Relief rushes over you at the news, but also guilt and shame. You know his yearning for freedom, but you can't help but be overjoyed with his return.

When he returns you wait patiently near the tower doors, though out of sight of the templars guarding in fear of being sent away. He walks in with the Templar Rylock, she's the one who had brought him back previously. She's a tough woman who has no love for mages and a tinge of fear washes over you upon seeing the bruises upon Anders' face. The fear turns into resentment and anger towards this templar and you suddenly wish you could hit her with your best lightning bolt, but restrain yourself as you study Anders as there are changes from your last meeting.

He's taller now and a little broader from when he had last left. His blonde hair is a tad longer now and pulled back into a ponytail. And you can't keep but be amused by the silver earring that adorns his right ear. And the tevinter robes that he now wears seem to suit him better. Your cheeks flush lightly as you stare at him; he looks a little older as well. And you wonder if you would look any different to him? Doubtful. You're still a little on the short side and still far too skinny compared to other boys.

As they walk by you can't help but notice that he's seen you in the corner of his amber eye and a smirk is now adorning his lips. Your breath hitches in your throat once more and the heat becomes even more intense. You silently watch as Rylock and her lackeys take Anders straight towards the First Enchanters' office. Once they are out of sight you move from the grand hall and back towards the apprentice sleeping quarters, taking a seat upon your bed and wait for your dear friend to return.

It isn't until hours later, nearing the midnight hour that Anders returns to the apprentice quarters. He looks worn and tired from his travel with the templars and of the lecture he had probably received from First Enchanter Irving. As soon as he's stepped through the doorway you stand from your bed and he takes notice with a smile tugging at his lips as you near him with concern on your face. Without thought you touch his face, feeling the light stubble that you had somehow failed to notice before.

"What did she do to you?" You find yourself asking, with more resentment in your voice than you had intended, causing the other's brows to rise slightly in surprise. Then his smile warms immediately and covers your hand with his, causing your heart to race. "I'm fine." He assures gently his other hand brushed a few stray locks away from your face.

'_What…What is he doing?'_ You wonder as he seems closer suddenly, leaning in and having that previous hand now at the small of your back. "Missed me?" He suddenly asks and there is a mischievous glint in those amber eyes, and you are momentarily frozen, lost in those beautiful orbs. But sense returns to you and a smug grin forms on your own lips. "You were gone?" You reply with a soft teasing tone. His eyes soften at this and a low rumbling chuckle leaves his throat as he embraces you suddenly.

"I've missed you."

This statement causes you to tense, but soon a warmth forms in your stomach as you return the embrace with your arms hooking around his neck. You become lost in this blissful moment and almost whimper when he suddenly pulls his warmth away from you, only to feel his gentle lips graze against yours. You gasp in response and pull away in surprise, not expecting such a response from him or yourself. You look at him wide-eyed and fully flushed from head to toe. Your sudden movement has also alerted a few of the other apprentices in the room as they shift on their beds, making the situation all that more embarrassing.

"…Good night." You find yourself mumbling at a very confused looking Anders, turning away and returning to your bed before any of the others grow wise to what had occurred. You pretend to sleep as your head reels with thoughts of what had happened and you find yourself aroused by the thought of his lips on yours. You can still feel the warmth there, lingering wonderfully. And this just serves to further confuse and embarrass you.

Over the next couple of days you find yourself avoiding Anders at all costs, going as far as skipping meals. You can't bring yourself to look at him after that night and you don't know why. You're horribly confused and retreat to the darker corners of the library to hide away with your head in a book about Primal magic, the school in which you excel. As you busily keep yourself enthralled in the old tome, you hear soft movements nearby one of the bookshelves. Curiously your blue eyes flit over towards the source only to find a couple of young mages going at it. You flush at the sight and attempt to look away, but something catches your attention.

After a moment of staring you suddenly realize who you see is Anders in the thrall of one of the female apprentices. Your face flushes and a knot forms in your stomach to see him in such a situation. You cannot help but stare a few moments longer, mildly shocked, but soon the image begins to blur and your eyes sting. '_Shit.'_ You curse softly under your breath by your reaction to seeing him like this and you stand, scooting your chair back and make a hasty retreat from the library.

You are not sure how but you somehow managed to return to the dorms, despite the tears that sting your eyes and blur your vision. As soon as you enter there's a sudden curse from behind that causes you to jump in surprise, it's a familiar voice.

"Andraste's Knickerweasels!"

Before you can respond you feel warm arms around your waist and your back is against someone, though you already know who. You attempt to struggle from his grasp not wanting him to be so close to you, not after seeing _that_. But his grip tightens and you yelp softly in shock at his strength. His breathing his low and hot against your ear, causing you to shiver in response.

"You are confusing." He mumbles softly into your ear and you shudder wishing you didn't feel this way. You remain quiet for the moment as he continues, "You pushed me away, avoided me." You shake your head in denial but his grip tightens and you softly whimper in reaction, tears still staining your cheeks as he talks. You can't say a word with the lump that is still in your throat, blocking any words to spill forth, which seem to irritate him further as he suddenly turns you around to face him but your eyes remain close.

Gently a hand comes up and a thumb grazes over his cheek and wipes away the tears. You can't deny him as your feel yourself lean in closer to the touch. He takes this as a sign to continue and his lips are on yours once more and this time there is a want and need in his kiss. You softly gasp and your lips part, allowing the blonde to take advantage with a slip of his tongue against your bottom lip and into your mouth. This forces a moan from your lips and your hands rest on his firm chest, greedily taking in the kiss.

When he parts from your lips there is a soft whimper that leaves you as your arms hook around his neck to prevent him from leaving your side again. A smile plays on his lips by your actions and his own arms remain around your waist his lips grazing over your stained cheeks.

"Can I take that as you wanting me too?" He asks huskily in your ear, causing you to shiver all the more. Your face feels flushed as you dare to bring your dark blue hues towards his amber and you've known that you have lost. You can't go on without him as you nod slowly in response. A brilliant smile forms on his lips and greedily he takes your mouth with his once more. All thought and reason gone, you give in to him entirely.

As the kisses become more passionate with desire and lust, the more his hands begin to wander over your body. Your fingers intertwine with his soft locks and pull him closer to you in an attempt to deepen the kiss. Soft moans escape you both as he impatiently gropes your body through your robes and you are lost in an ecstasy of pleasure and desire. Your lips are swollen at this point as he moves away and places his attentions elsewhere along your neck and ears, causing ripples of pleasure to surge forth. You attempt to quiet yourself in fear of alerting others of what was happening.

He nips roughly against your alabaster neck, sure to leave a mark. You sharply inhale a breath of air by his actions and your fingers grip onto his hair and pull lightly in response, causing a low groan from him. You take a mild pleasure in getting such reactions from him despite your inexperience. Though he responds with more fervor as his nips and licks become more hot and unbearable, causing you to squirm against him and call his name softly.

You are lost in his embrace and he is clinging desperately to _you_ and wanting _you_. His fingers begin to unlace your robes and you whimper in response to the light touches of the newly exposed white flesh. You bite your bottom lip to prevent another moan to leave you as his fingertips run along hip and daring to trail lower. You gasp and lean into the touches, yearning for more. "Ah—is… this the best place?" You mumbled, beginning to take in where they were doing this. Anders lightly nips your neck in response and you shudder as he finds your aroused manhood in his hand, causing your to gasp and a soft moan escape your lips.

"Shh…" You hear him mumble as he moves you around, leaning you against him as his hands begin to stroke your harden member. The sudden cool air on your front causes you to squirm all the more under his hands as your own reach up and desperately seek him out, encircling them around his neck and pulling him closer where his lips eagerly find your neck. You bite your bottom lip, threatening to break the skin, as he strokes and fondles you.

All of this you commit to memory, from his needful touch, intoxicating scent, and taste. Everything about this drives you over the edge and you happily comply with his touches as you feel yourself lose yourself in the moment and a single cry spills forth from your lips, unable to hold back any further.

With your climax your entire body suddenly feels heavy and you lean against the man you love with soft pants coming from your lips, hearing his own heavy breathing behind you. His arms are securely around you and his kisses are sweeter and gentler now against your slick skin. You feel him lead you towards your bed, being placed down upon the soft mattress. You give a soft whimper as your hands reach out and grasp the man above you. He chuckles softly in his throat, leaning over and placing a kiss upon your forehead.

"…I love you." You hear yourself utter the words, but you're far too tired to feel embarrassed. He seems to tense a moment and his lips graze over your eyelids as his hands gently place a blanket around you. Your arms drift away from him in that moment as exhaustion overtakes you and sleep is upon you in moments. As the fade beckons to you, you could swear you hear the words, "I'm sorry."

When you wake hours later, you find that it is morning and Anders is gone once again. Escaped in the middle of the night and leaving you alone. When you hear the news you find yourself unable to contain your anger and sadness and a loud sob escapes you upon your bed, unable to understand why.

It will be days later that you'll be asked to perform your Harrowing and so set in motion your destiny.


End file.
